I Need Everyone's Thoughts!!!

[xandra]

Alright everyone. I've got a question and it might seem silly to you, but if you wouldn't mind just give me your straight opinion. Please!

So imagine this situation. There's a girl (We'll call her Jane) and a guy (we'll call him Jack) Jane & Jack have been in a serious relationship for over 3 years & they currently live together. Jane has travel-fever and wants to see everything, while Jack is interested, but not nearly as much as Jane is. Jane wants to take a 2 month backpacking trip through Europe in 2006, but Jack has recently started his own business and has flat out told Jane that he cannot take that kind of time off for probbaly the next 5 years. Jane REALLY wants to go backpacking before any more responsibilites come up (house, engagement, etc.) and has found a friend to go on this backpacking trip. The problem: it's a male friend whom Jack doesn't know very well. Jack is a great guy & has no problem with it, but Jane's afraid that he really does. Not about Jane going with someone else, just that he can't share the experience with her.

What do you all think!!?? Please give me any comments, advice, anything you've got to throw in my direction!!

Jane would much prefer to go with Jack, but since it's not possible she's not sure if going with a friend will be the same. Help!!!

[me]

xandra said:

Jane would much prefer to go with Jack, but since it's not possible she's not sure if going with a friend will be the same. Help!!!

well, it won't be the same. the question is, will it still interest Jane?

part of the allure of travel is the chance to spend a solid block of uninterrupted time with one's partner, but that's not the only allure.

if Jane really has a travel bug for the sake of travel, it seems she should go for it. but, her relationship with the other friend is also a question. she'd need to be sure traveling with him doesn't involve any hidden hazards.

[Dominique]

I say go for it. If Jane wants to travel, she shouldn't have to wait five years to do it. In my experience though, whether or not a trip is amazing or horrible depends greatly on who you're sharing it with. So if Jane feels that the trip might not be too special with her friend, she might be better off waiting for Jack or at least for someone else who'll make the experience just that much more incredible.
IMO, Jane shouldn't feel too bad about leaving Jack behind for a couple of months. If he really understands her need to travel, he'll be supportive. I think Jane should be a little "selfish" here: as long as the trip with her friend sounds like a fun time to her, she should go.

[Eagle]

xandra, I've always tried to master both the art of compromise as well as the art of "having one's cake and eating it too". Based on that, a few thoughts for the dilemma that Jane is facing.....

One possibility might be for Jane to take a shorter trip this time, possibly a month or six weeks to assuage her travel bug. That way Jack could continue building his business (which is usually quite time & labour intensive in the start-up phase), which is also presumably building a future for both of them. I suggested a shorter time as Jane might find that she misses Jack (and vice versa), so an abbreviated trip might be more palatable for both of them.

With regard to travelling with the male friend, I have mixed feelings on that point. On the one hand, Jack might feel more comfortable knowing that Jane has someone along to watch out for her. Sharing the travel experiences with someone other than Jack might not be as enjoyable for Jane though? There's also the possibility that although Jack says he doesn't mind, some degree of resentment might surface later on? On the other hand, a well planned solo trip might be a "compromise" option.

Jack will probably resent not being able to share the trip with Jane, but he is likely affected by circumstances beyond his control (the new business), so doesn't really have a choice in the matter. Jane will probably return from the trip in somewhat of an "elated" state and want to share everything with Jack, but may find a lack of empathy and enthusiasm as he won't be able to relate to the experiences because he wasn't there.

In this hypothetical scenario, no mention was made of the type of business that Jack is working on. If Jack had a partner, a trusted Manager or a relative to look after things, he could perhaps spare three weeks or a month to go on a trip with Jane. There are lots of very experienced and very competent retired Senior Managers and Businessmen about - if you can find one that's interested in a short-term project, that would be another possibility to consider. One very essential consideration of course would be finances - paying someone to watch the business as well as coming up with the funding for the trip might be an impossible task. The cash flow of the business would be an important factor.

With a Cell Phone and E-mail Jack would be able to check in on a regular basis to make sure that things were progressing well with the business (as long as Jack limits himself to the time he spends on the phone, rather than focusing on the trip and spending time with Jane). If the proposed trip is going to be taking place sometime in 2006 (spring or fall), there might be time to make such an arrangment for the business?

I suspect that with some thought, reflection and perhaps compromise, a workable solution can be found to allow Jane & Jack to have a trip together. I'm sure both of them would prefer to share the experience with each other. There may be other creative solutions but these are the only suggestions I have at the moment.

Good luck to Jane & Jack in sorting this out!!!

[xandra]

Thanks for everyone's advice & opinoins.

Jane has decided that if Jack can't go with her, she does not want to share the experience with anyone else. The only way Jane will go is if she can save up the money AND nerves to go alone!

Thanks again!!