Need some cheering up!!

[rissama]

I've been massively depressed lately. Does anyone have some good advice, anecdote, joke, etc. to cheer me up. all will be greatly appriciated.

[freshsprout]

I don't know many jokes.. but for some reason this one has stayed with me through the years. (heard it from a little boy on the radio)

Q: What do you get between a cow and a tiara?

[Patrick]

A. A fat mother?

I was depressed once. I just thought of the 3 most pathetic people I knew and it made me feel better about myself. But then I got depressed when I realized I was friends with them.

[me]

here's a very tacky old one. kind of dated, too. but, it sticks out in my memory. [actually, i 1st heard it 10 years ago!]

Q: What did Little Miss Muffet and Saddam Husein have in common?

A: They both had Kurds in their way.

[freshsprout]

A: A Dairy Queen!

(haha.. at least I thought it was kinda cute )

[rissama]

thanx. patrick won so far, and i do feel better.

[Eagle]

rissama, I'm not too good at jokes, but hopefully the others have cheered you up!

I often find that starting to plan my next trip kind of takes my mind off problems.

Cheers!

[Patrick]

Well I am good at jokes... I just can't post the real good ones here.


...so an airline pilot finishes talking to the passengers after the plane has taken off, and forgets to turn off his intercom. He says to his co-pilot, "I think I'm gonna take a dump and then nail that new blonde stewardess."

The stewardess hears it, and runs up the aisle to tell him the intercom is still on. On the way up she trips and falls flat on her face.

A little old lady in the third row looks down at her and says, "There's no rush, honey. He said he had to take a dump first."

[herrbert]

Talking about pilots ....

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud again.
S: DME volume confirmed set at 11.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[rissama]

lol, i'm still laughing XD

[me]

verry good Herrbert! ;D

- d